This page is a list of resources to help those around survivors of gendered / raced harm begin or continue learning about good ways to respond. As anyone who has begun the process of supporting survivors will no doubt have perceived, distinct bystander patterns emerge. These same patterns are described in all of these resources, dating […]Read more "Resources for Dealing with Conflict and Harm"
(English version here) Je n’arrête pas de discuter de ça, encore et encore. Ce truc, quand quelqu’un ruine ta perception de la réalité, et te dit que t’es timbrée, ou nie qu’un truc est en train de se produire au moment où c’est en train de se produire, tu vois ? Quand les personnes que nous […]Read more "le Gaslighting"
Have you ever had that dream where something bad is happening to you, but when you try to ask for help, you can’t speak? You try to scream for help but you just can’t get the words out? This doesn’t only happen in dreams. It happens in real life as well. Survivors of gendered violence experience this […]Read more "Psychological Harm is Physical Harm 2: Why Survivors Lose Their Voice"
The presidential debates, horrific as their results were, provided survivors everywhere with a strange, backwards gift. A recent piece notes: “It’s remarkable how many female viewers report feeling physically ill.” Trout has not touched any of them, not directly. Yet what survivors are reporting, watching him enter their living rooms via their TV screens, is that this kind […]Read more "Psychological Harm is Physical Harm 1: Abuse Shapes the Brain"
Of soup-friends and token-exchangers. I’ve noticed a pattern. (surprise!) It seems to me that two very different models exist of what people in our culture think we are doing when we nurture one another. This makes sense given that any modern culture is a complex swirl of ancestral inheritances only recently jumbled together and barely […]Read more "Two Models of Nurturance (Which One Are You?)"
There is a variation on ‘Not All Men.’ It is called ‘I Feel Bad When You Say That.’ My godson Kyle is six. He is fairly emotionally perceptive for his age, as his grownups have been working with him to create an emotionally responsible and self-aware boy who we hope will grow into an emotionally […]Read more "Own, Apologize, Repair: Coming Back to Integrity"
There are two kinds of boundary violations: overt and covert. We know a lot about one half of boundary violations: the kind acted out in an anxious way. This first kind of boundary violation is hopefully already obvious. This is when you say no, or are unable to consent, and someone goes ahead and touches […]Read more "There is another kind of boundary violation: the covert cross"