Month: February 2016

Boys, Brothers, and Saying “I Love You”: 18 Readers’ thoughts about #NurturanceCulture

Readers sent in your experiences and wisdom about #NurturanceCulture. Here are some of my favourites: 1. Nurturance is like a pot of soup that grows for both/all the more you put in. -anon 2. Nurturance is my 16-year-old brother, waking up his little sister (me) with breakfast on a tray the morning we have to leave […]

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Why the World Said ‘Yes!’ to #NurturanceCulture: Five Responses

Why the World Said Yes to Nurturance Culture: Five Responses Last week, “The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture” blew up on the internet. The global response is astonishing: 360 000 people visited the page in a week. Clearly the idea that we can craft a masculine “Nurturance Culture” touched a chord. Comments and mail poured in from well nigh every single […]

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Call for Submissions: “Nurturance Is…”

YES! We are still taking submissions for new posts! Dating Tips for the Feminist Man is accepting submissions for a series on your own personal experiences of masculine* nurturance culture. Send us your ways to finish this sentence: “Nurturance Is…” What does masculine nurturance culture look like, feel like, taste like? What is the timing, the rhythm, […]

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There is another kind of boundary violation: the covert cross

There are two kinds of boundary violations: overt and covert. We know a lot about one half of boundary violations: the kind acted out in an anxious way. This first kind of boundary violation is hopefully already obvious. This is when you say no, or are unable to consent, and someone goes ahead and touches […]

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The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture

The opposite of masculine rape culture is masculine nurturance culture: men* increasing their capacity to nurture, and becoming whole. The Ghomeshi trial is back in the news, and it brings violent sexual assault back into people’s minds and daily conversations. Of course violence is wrong, even when the court system for handling it is a disaster. That part seems […]

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We Need Allies, Not Gentlemen

This post is the most troubling I’ve ever written. I don’t have the answers, and I hope we can think this through together. But this needs saying. What hit me in the Isla Vista shooter’s murderous tirade on virginity was not the entitlement, the misogyny, or the cold calculation. What hit me, what has stayed […]

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Dating Tips for the Feminist Man

This post is in honour of male feminists and their dating rituals. You’re a straight cismale who identifies as a leftie. Maybe you’re a Marxist or a socialist; maybe you’re an anarchist. You respect women. You would never act like a player. You fall in love with strong, smart, feminist women. You believe that our […]

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Own, Apologize, Repair: Coming Back to Integrity

There is a variation on ‘Not All Men.’ It is called ‘I Feel Bad When You Say That.’ My godson Kyle is six. He is fairly emotionally perceptive for his age, as his grownups have been working with him to create an emotionally responsible and self-aware boy who we hope will grow into an emotionally […]

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On Gaslighting

2025 update: I have learned more since, and I think this piece got the concept wrong. ___________________ I keep having the same conversation over and over. That thing where someone undermines your perception of reality, and says you’re crazy, or denies that something is happening that is in fact happening? When people we love and trust […]

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