Have you ever had that dream where something bad is happening to you, but when you try to ask for help, you can’t speak? You try to scream for help but you just can’t get the words out? This doesn’t only happen in dreams. It happens in real life as well. Survivors of gendered violence experience this […]
Read more "Psychological Harm is Physical Harm 2: Why Survivors Lose Their Voice"My first book, Turn This World Inside Out (AK Press 2019), which Vanity Fair called “slim but transfixing,” sold out its first print run in six months and has sold over 10,000 copies. My writing is listed on college syllabi at McGill, UBC, UC Berkeley, and universities across North America and Europe, and has appeared or been mentioned […]
Read more "Someplace Better"There are two kinds of boundary violations: overt and covert. We know a lot about one half of boundary violations: the kind acted out in an anxious way. This first kind of boundary violation is hopefully already obvious. This is when you say no, or are unable to consent, and someone goes ahead and touches […]
Read more "There is another kind of boundary violation: the covert cross"The opposite of masculine rape culture is masculine nurturance culture: men* increasing their capacity to nurture, and becoming whole. The Ghomeshi trial is back in the news, and it brings violent sexual assault back into people’s minds and daily conversations. Of course violence is wrong, even when the court system for handling it is a disaster. That part seems […]
Read more "The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture"2025 update: I have learned more since, and I think this piece got the concept wrong. ___________________ I keep having the same conversation over and over. That thing where someone undermines your perception of reality, and says you’re crazy, or denies that something is happening that is in fact happening? When people we love and trust […]
Read more "On Gaslighting"