No Still Means No – Even if You “Love His Hands”

The news today is full of the results of the trial. All the survivors I know are triggered as shit. All of us, all reliving the sense of powerlessness, the screaming into the void. Ask survivors in your life if they are ok, today. Remember survivors are listening to how you talk about Canada’s former […]

So if men ask before sex, will we have solved patriarchy?

Feminist men* of the internets: I hear you asking how you can help, how you can support survivors. This post was first composed after a certain famous abuser CBC host’s trial concluded; yet it feels relevant once again in this moment before the inauguration, as movements are gearing up to protect those directly affected. We […]

O Oposto da Cultura de Estupro é a Cultura de Acolhimento

O oposto da cultura masculina de estupro é a cultura masculina de acolhimento: homens* aumentando sua capacidade de acolher, tornando-se plenos. O julgamento Ghomeshi volta aos noticiários, trazendo o tópico da agressão sexual violenta de volta às mentes das pessoas e às conversas cotidianas. Certamente a violência é errada, mesmo quando o sistema jurídico que […]

Consejos para el hombre feminista

Consejos para el hombre feminista. Este artículo está escrito en honor a los hombres feministas y los rituales que hacen al salir con alguien. Eres un hombre cis, heterosexual, monógamo, y de izquierdas. Quizás seas un Marxista o socialista; o quizás seas un anarquista. Respetas a las mujeres. Nunca te comportarías como un Don Juan. […]

The challenges of ‘Ground Rules’

We need to get comfortable with simultaneous speech. I want to begin this post with two excerpts that can give a bit of context for this discussion. The first comes out of work on mindfulness practices used in some kinds of organizing cultures and will mostly be relevant for those contexts, and the second comes […]

le Gaslighting

(English version here) Je n’arrête pas de discuter de ça, encore et encore. Ce truc, quand quelqu’un ruine ta perception de la réalité, et te dit que t’es timbrée, ou nie qu’un truc est en train de se produire au moment où c’est en train de se produire, tu vois ? Quand les personnes que nous […]

Ten Reader Replies: “Nurturance Is…”

1. Nurturance is when you get hit by an overwhelming bout of depression that leaves you crumpled up on the hard, cold floor of the shower, unable to move, and your partner finds you there and sits on the floor across from you, telling you he is there to lift you up and hold you […]

Lo opuesto a una Cultura de la Violación es una Cultura Afectiva

Lo opuesto a una cultura masculina de la violación es una cultura masculina afectiva: hombres* aumentando su capacidad de dar cuidados, y alcanzando su plenitud. El caso Ghomeshi vuelve a estar en las noticias, y con ello la idea de acosos sexuales violentos vuelven a aparecer en las mentes y conversaciones diarias de las personas. […]

Boys, Brothers, and Saying “I Love You”: 18 Readers’ thoughts about #NurturanceCulture

Readers sent in your experiences and wisdom about #NurturanceCulture. Here are some of my favourites: 1. Nurturance is like a pot of soup that grows for both/all the more you put in. -anon 2. Nurturance is my 16-year-old brother, waking up his little sister (me) with breakfast on a tray the morning we have to leave […]

Why the World Said ‘Yes!’ to #NurturanceCulture: Five Responses

Why the World Said Yes to Nurturance Culture: Five Responses Last week, “The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture” blew up on the internet. The global response is astonishing: 360 000 people visited the page in a week. Clearly the idea that we can craft a masculine “Nurturance Culture” touched a chord. Comments and mail poured in from well nigh every single […]